Singlesmansion Crew Yo!

I-On

W: Where you going? You on? I-On!

J: *roll eyes*

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J: You on bo?

W: I-On!!!

Math Genius

AC: (Feeding J ice-cream) You got 2 choices -- nose, hair or mouth.

Peacockcockcock

J: I told you peacock is a fabulous turkey.
F: Eh don't confuse me with another pet.
J: What pet?!
F: Turkey is the 2 leg one right.
J: Which bird no 2 legs?! Giraffe ah?!
F: Oh yeah... HA! BUTTERFLY!


-

F: Ha! Bats! 2 legs then 2 hands here!
A: You just said?! 2 hands?!

Fyeah

F: But Gmarket a lot of girls stuff leh...
J: Lucky you!

Inclusive

F: We can put this back.
J: Is that supposed to be funny?
F: Yeah it is and you never even laugh.
J: Its not funny!
F: K la it's common sense.
J: Yeah.. You find common sense funny?
F: Hmm.. we are weird like that.
J: WE?!

How-To: Meme Talk

X: Y u no...
Y: I dunno lol
X: *Smirk*
Y: FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU
X: Fuckyeah.
Y: Forever Alone

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F: Who is X and Y?

Saaaaku...

W: Saaaakuuuuraaa...
F: The song supposed to be graceful one leh.
W: Gracefruuu!

Lucky

F: (picks up 10c coin) Today is my lucky day!
J: Yeah! Dont need to work tonight!

Shopping

F: This is so nice! But Im not a very tee-shirt person. You know, all the dresses and all?

Aspirations

W: Haha, your cupboard will slowly be taken over by OL clothes.
J: Wahlao, don't like that leh.
W: Hahaha, then you see your going out clothes will be like 10%, OL clothes 90%.
J: Hannor hannor, then in the morning see me read Wall St Journal all.
W: Ya ya ya, then you'll take over Isetan and like be on Time magazine cover.
J: Yeah, and Playboy.
W: In the same week.
J: Yeah, that's how I roll.

Except(ion)

Singing to Wang Lee Hom

W: Baby, 你就是我的… No you're not.

J: D:

F doesnt make things any better.

J: W wanna snatch my rainbow flag from me lor.
W: Where got snatch? I already confessed to you already mah.
J: So you only want me for my flag lah?!
W: Aiyo how you know.
J: Yahlor, I'm the one with the boyfriend mah hor.
F: Haha yayaya.
J: But I'm not gay, my boyfriend is hor.
F: Correct correct.

Penis!

On the bus

W: We very long never play the Penis game (à la 500 Days of Summer).

J: No, I'm not playing with you.

W: Maybe I should get AC to play the Penis game with me... Okay, that came out wrong.

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In the car

AC: Penis.

J: Penis!

AC: PENIS!

J: PENIS!!!

W: VAGINAAAAAA!!!!

J (to AC): She's sooo lesbian.

AC: I also say.

J: And you're so gay.

The (2nd) Confession

W: Do you think I'm straight?

J: I already know you're not.

W: What if one day I tell you I like a girl?

J: I wouldn't be surprised

(goes on for another 10 minutes)

W: Really ah, you wouldn't be surprised?

J: Nope.

W: J, I like you.

J: This is not the first time you confessed to me. Hold my hand leh.

English 101 with W

W's translation for "吞不下那口气": Swallow that saliva.

Homeless Chic

F: I look like a hobo!

J: Homo hobo!

F: You are half a hobo!

J: I'm a ho! ... Shit.

Product Testing

感情才会… 旧？

C: 来，我们一人一半。

W: 可是我不要跟你感情不散。

But I'm not gay, my boyfriend is...

A (to W): Eh, straight one, hahaha you don't have rainbow flag.

W: I'm not the one with the boyfriend.

Downloading .. 99%

A: idk who he is
he followde me

J.: u should dl this band called fun.
"fun."

A: but nvm he macam cool so i downloaded him
EH
I MEAN
FOLLOWED

Who eat your what?

J: I dragon leh.

AC: I tiger leh. China men eat my penis.

Fireman Dreams by JT

This was an entry in 2007 on Adam's LiveJournal.

joyce: how many inch is yours?
adam: -looks down-
joyce: no lah your laptop lah.
adam: -continues looking down-

And below are the comments that follow.

JT: why are you keep us in suspense, asshole.
A: You want to know, you pay me money and I will be your personal stripper. How bout your birthday? Heh.
JT: lmao birthday present la wahlao
A: HAHAHA GOOD POINT. Okay can. I dress up as a male stripper. Who dyou want me to be, oh master?
JT: hmm, fireman.
A: Whao, with the hose, or my hose? HEH HEH.

Sandy Claws

AC: Christmas is coming, you know?

J: Don't even think about it.

AC: Santa's gonna give you something, not me.

J: Do you see Santa every morning when you look in the mirror?

AC: Yeah.. I always see a jolly fat man. *looks down at tummy*

Leopard never changes its...

Explaining to AC that leopard and cheetahs look very similar, slight difference in their spots.

AC: Huh, really meh? No what.. Leopard never changes its stripes, remember... EH?!?!

Will

Unfortunately cœur rhymes with douleur. says (4:28 PM):
fauzi

Unfortunately cœur rhymes with douleur. says (4:28 PM):
can u imagine

Unfortunately cœur rhymes with douleur. says (4:29 PM):
i put in my will

Unfortunately cœur rhymes with douleur. says (4:29 PM):
i donate my organs right

Unfortunately cœur rhymes with douleur. says (4:29 PM):
if accident or whatever

Unfortunately cœur rhymes with douleur. says (4:29 PM):
i give fauzi my womb

Unfortunately cœur rhymes with douleur. says (4:29 PM):
AHHAHAHA

euphoria. says (4:29 PM):
HAHAHAHAHA WTF

It Has Been A Year

J: OMG. Was it almost a year ago the Indian guys grabbing the supposed trannie, then it was all over Youtube?
A: YES! LOL!
J: ONE YEAR ALREADY AH?
A: Almost!
J: Wah lao eh. Aiyoh skanky Asian sluts. Sometimes I wish I was a guy.. so I can take my dick and slap their slutty faces. (Y)

Requiem For Star Wars

D: So what movie were you watching last night?
A: Requiem For A Dream, and Closer (for the eighth time).
D: Requiem for a dream.. Star Wars ah???
A: LOL
D: Closer? It's a gay movie?

Dirty talk.

Kerr.

AM 02:29 YES OFCOURSE

AM 02:29 WITH LYCHEE IN YR MOUTH

AM 02:29 YOU LIKE IT

AM 02:29 YOU LIKE IT?

AM 02:29 YEAH

AM 02:29 FUCK YEAHHHH

AM 02:29 okeh freaky

AM 02:29 i take that back

AM 02:30

Unfortunately cœur rhymes with douleur.

AM 02:30 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Kerr.

AM 02:30 hi

A & J in their own world.

A: What are you talking about? We're married already, darling.

J: Oh yah hor, you're my husband now.

F (to AC): Okay lah, then we be sex buddies.

AC: OKAY CA... ._.

iCelibate

J: *past minute trying to insert usb charger into iPhone in the dark* Eh, I too long never have sex issit, why cannot find the hole!?

"insanity is not a taurus trait."

A day early.

F: Eh you know I went for my medical checkup right... You know what? I got HIV. FML.

J: It's not April Fools' Day yet.

F: HAHAHAHAHAH HAPPY ADVANCED APRIL FOOLS!

He just wanted McNuggets.

F vs J

i hope i got gay mat

then i ask "are you thirsty. then give him a spiked drink"

AHAHAHAHA

share my hotcakes

WOO hotcakes!

so suggestive

zomg!

nice one

would you like to errr... wash my vegetable?

aiya i dunno la

so difficult

would u like some... maple syrup?

walao you so good

I KNOW

I SHOULD WRITE A BOOK

or would you like to undress my MAcchicken?

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

FAUZI

ur pickup lines are epic

i really dunno what? !!!

so difficult sia

haiyoh u need lessons

101 on dirty talking

choose food item

make sure it can be kinky

k k i try chilli

do you think the chilli is wrong? I ORDERED GARLIC CHILLI YOU DUMB ASS. NOT CURRY

is that ur pickup line

i dunno omg

i give up

walao i fail sia. no wonder single

Telling her I felt drunk...

S: Guys eat beansprouts cum will be very thick ah?

A: Really meh? I don't know leh...

(everyone ponders)

A: Yay, K coming back tomorrow!

Self-Explanatory

Strong fingers eh?

Blondes, little girls and MILFs.

S: I like dirty blondes.
J.T: You like your blondes dirty?

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L: Little IJ girl!
J.O: Confirm become lesbian one.
J.T: Yeah, or slut.
J.O: Yeah, maybe she should start now.

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J.O: Oh, L, you like SA girls ah?
S: No, L like all kinds of girls.

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S: Wah, Alessandra...
J.T: Yeah, milf. Siala, they look at the daughters, we look at the moms.

Angelic & Shy.. yeah right.

L: I sound like a man meh?
J: No ah, you just speak very soft lor.
L: OMG you say I speak softly! I'm demure!

Conflict of the Stars

JO: Aries/Taurus how ah? Aries like to play, but Taurus can commit.
JT: Commited to playing lor.

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JO: Then Virgo/Libra leh?
JT: Virgo like to stay home, Libra like to go out. So I go out to N's home lor.

90's were more fun

F: and in primary school, i was the head librarian
i was so garang i tell you

J: wahsay jealous
i alway wanted to chop chop the books

F: YA
chop chop the books
but now scan la girl

J: SHIT

Not if you're full bottom.

*discussing where the hymen is*
W (to 3 lesbians): Aiyah, no need to know where it is lah! Not like we ever have a vagina in our face.
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W: Sorry, I forgot who I was.

Portability

A: Are we going to club? You're coming to my house first right.
J: Yeah, I'll go over then we can decide lor.
A: Then what are you going to wear to my house? You're gonna bring clothes and makeup ah?
J: Aiyah, wear clothes and makeup lor! Bring makeup on my face better than bring all of it out.